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Spider-Man 3. The trailer, they...they...




Okay, some background. As a wee child Spiderman was my absolute favorite cartoon, hands down and absolute favorite superhero. Because first off, so *limber* (a precocious child, I was) and secondly, giant *nerd* and thirdly, so *limber* and fourthly, dude talked to himself like constantly. Unbalanced, but not in the brooding way that Batman is unbalanced, oh no. Just, like, he knew he was a hopeless nerd, and his alter ego was his best buddy so he talked to him. Called him Spidey. It was adorable.

Also limber.

And then Venom came along, and whispered silken promises in his ear and slid liquid black fingers along his body and owned him. Just. Fucking. OWNED him.

See—and the X-Files fans will follow me on this one—Venom is an oilien. Like, literally. He falls of the back of a spaceship. J. Jonah Jameson's son is an astronaut. And I don't know how they're going to bring him in for Spiderman 3. Frankly, I don't care.



They gave me Venom. They gave me Venom.

They gave me Venom.

In other news, I really enjoyed Superman Returns.

Cyclops! Kumar! Parker Posey! Nikita!

Kevin Spacey plays the *perfect* thug Luthor. First he robs an old lady blind and leaves her dogs to eat her. And each other. And hands the little girl bad wig #1 to watch leave her screaming her little head off. Then he breaks and enters into Superman's home. Then he robs museums in bad wigs.

Then he shanks Superman. *Shanks* him. With a *kryptonite shank.*

And *breaks it off* like, *four inches deep* inside his back.

And then he and Kumar and the rest of them just. Just. BEAT HIM. Good GOD, that was lovely.

Lex Luthor should always beat people.

And Superman and his beautiful, beautiful lapis blue eyes.

Dude, I can't believe he didn't tell Lois. When the woman you love tells you she had your baby, you tell her who you are. That was just shady. Now he's going to just keep being the absentee father not paying child support, SHAME on him, JESUS.

I liked Lois. I liked Superman. Lex will always, always be my favorite.

I loved the cheesy Star Wars-ish credits!

See, now I really want a Batman Returns sequel to come out. Because Joker. And if Joker, then maybe they'll get it right and give me Harley Quinn.

And I just figured out who would play the perfect Harley. Rachel McAdams. She played the bitch queen in Mean Girls and the heroine in The Notebook. She's curvy enough and tiny enough and has the acting range to be Joker's submissive happy little pet sociopath.

I'm totally picturing her all dolled up in Harley gear waving a hot poker in front of tied up Katie Holmes' face saying in her perfect New York lilt, "Aww sweetie, don't pass out now, we haven't even gotten to the fun part yet."

Her or maaaaaybe Christina Ricci.
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