SGA/SG-1 Episode Reviews

[lierdumoa]

SGA 3x06: The Real World

Stay away from those liquid gel capsules, Elizabeth.

Finally, FINALLY they give me some John-Weir interaction that didn't feel completely pasted on. See, if it were always like this, it wouldn't hurt me. John hopping up on her desk having unnatural, pointless conversations at the end of episodes? Hurts me.

But John walking through Weir's brain, haunting her dream!bed, stalking her through her dream!window, telling her, "NEVER SAY DIE, ELIZABETH. NEVER SAY DIE!"? That's John. John would totally do that.

Okay, so one of my favorite things about the show is the way they take an emotional arc (Rodney trapped, alone in a cold dark place - Grace Under Pressure) then change it and twist it to a different situation (Rodney trapped not quite alone in a structurally unsound basement - The Tower; Ronon and Teyla trapped in a structurally unsound building - Inferno) so you get to see all these sides of the characters in a way that links them all together, and without a lot of lame expository backstory. Or I guess another good comparison would be Rodney's arc in Trinity compared with Carson's in Poisoning the Well.

So we get Elizabeth's Conversion, much similar to John's, as I think John and Elizabeth are very similar characters having very similar outlooks, principles (like the whole NEVER SAY DIE THING, which Elizabeth totally made literal in 38 Minutes when she gave that whole giant speech to Halling about never saying die). And this time we get it from the internal pov rather than the external.

Other cool assed things from the ep.

1) Elizabeth pwning everything, even the Tiny, Tiny Robots^{TM Jake 2.0} in her brain.
2) Heels. Seven jeans. Leather jacket. Glimpse of cleavage. LOVE. MY. SHOW.
3) Ronon practically *bouncing up and down* when she wakes up.

Various hilarious vocal outpourings from me and my flatmate whilst watching:

(on the psychiatrist)
fashes: Who is that guy?
fashes: He ... from Beuller! OMG IT'S FERRIS' BFF!!!
lierdumoa: OMG it IS.
fashes: What's his naaame?
fashes: Oh right, Simon.
lierdumoa: Simon like her ex! The ugly ex who was unworthy.
fashes: Yes. Totally unworthy.

(on Elizabeth taking her pills)
fashes: Don't swallow Elizabeth.
lierdumoa: Yes, don't listen to that shady psychiatrist promising not to come in your mouth.
fashes: Can't you taste the surrender juice^TM?!

(on Elizabeth's "mommy" showing up with her Grandfather's watch)
fashes: Don't touch the watch, Elizabeth. It's covered in surrender juice!
lierdumoa: You can tell from how sticky it is.
fashes: Yes, sticky. Because it is sweet. SWEET LIKE JIZZ.
fashes: Doooood, why hasn't the other shoe dropped yet. It's almost to the first commercial.
lierdumoa: She has to give in first.

(on the first scene in the med lab)
*camera pans to Ronon fretting at Weir's beside*
fashes: Helloooooooo Ronon.
lierdumoa: *cracks up* I love how you say that, like, every time.
fashes: Do I really say it every time?
lierdumoa: Like, his first scene in every episode. I think so, yeah.
fashes: That's hilarious. I had no idea I totally said it every time.

(on Ronon getting ALL UPSET about his girlfriend)
fashes: He's like -- I want my girlfriend to wake up. I can't fuck her when she's unconscious.
fashes: Not that she'd mind.
lierdumoa: Dude, yeah, she'd totally be like, "Honey I had a really long day and I'm just going to conk out now, but you go ahead!" and he'd be all *grumble, grumble* "but it's no fun if you're not awake."
fashes: Yes, exactly.

("because it happened more than once when I was in front of a mirror")
fashes: Of course it did, Rodney. Of course it did.
fashes: More than once.
...
: *clutches my arm* They put wraith in her!
lierdumoa: Wraith and Cylon.
fashes: OMG you're right. Well, no, they not pretty enough to be real Cylons.
...
fashes: Wraith juice. To counteract the surrender juice.
lierdumoa: It is bitter. Like coffee.
fashes: Yes! Like COFFEE!

(afterwards)
fashes: So other people hated this episode.
lierdumoa: Yes, well, they don't watch our show. They watch their show.
lierdumoa: Their show doesn't have surrender juice.
fashes: Surrender juice is key.
lierdumoa: *nods solemnly*



SG-1 10x07: Counter-Strike

Okay, this isn't really an episode review so much as a crackchat with spoilers.

(instant messenging each other from our respective bedrooms)
fashes: DUUUUUUUUDE
fashes: the baby girl from SG-1?
lierdumoa: ?
fashes: IS TOTALLY THE COMPANION FROM FIREFLY
fashes: WHATSHERNAME!
fashes: THE BORING ONE
lierdumoa: there's a baby girl in SG-1?
fashes: mystical baby
lierdumoa: oh
lierdumoa: don't remember at all
fashes: yes I left out the mystical
fashes: she gave birth?
fashes: baby was a 7 year old in 8 hours?
lierdumoa: I don't remember her in Firefly, I mean
fashes: and is now GROWN
fashes: INARA
fashes: INARA IS AERYN'S BABY
fashes: I love my fandom incest.
fashes: oh context... I'm watching SG-1.
lierdumoa: k, I totally remember which companion was the boring one, I just hadn't seen AerynVala's baby grown yet on SG-1
fashes: yis it's in the newest ep.
lierdumoa: I kept thinking you meant the pubescent version of Vala's baby
lierdumoa: was somehow in Firefly
fashes: noooooo
fashes: LOL
fashes: yes, that would be confusing
lierdumoa: and I was like -- as a companion? no Joss show would ever go there
fashes: hee!!
fashes: OMG
fashes: *FLAILS*
fashes: NO he never would.
fashes: *sad*
lierdumoa: I'm reading a disturbing AU where John and Rodney are figure skaters
fashes: *LAUGHS OUT LOOOOOUD*
fashes: *FALLZ OVER OMG* *typed from actual horizontal position on the couch*
lierdumoa: dude, I can hear you from down here
fashes: of COURSE you CAN!
lierdumoa: I mean, the characterization isn't bad even, which is just making it all the more surreal
fashes: oh god
lierdumoa: because, like, if it were not!Rodney, then okay
fashes: it hurts!
fashes: *vibrates with pain* it hurts!
lierdumoa: but it's totally Rodney
lierdumoa: and I'm picturing him in white tights
fashes: link?
lierdumoa: *figure skating*
fashes: *topples over again* stop!
lierdumoa: and it's actually him, but in the tights
lierdumoa: the *tights*
fashes: I can't BREATHE
lierdumoa: http://www.icarus.slashcity.net/stories/outofbounds.html
fashes: DUDE COME WATCH SG-1 WITH ME
fashes: WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT YET
fashes: or wait.... what ep are you on with that one?
lierdumoa: the latest
lierdumoa: I watched last weeks on the tv, remember?
fashes: Well I wasn't sure if you saw SG-1 also
lierdumoa: I told you about it
lierdumoa: over the phone
fashes: *blink blink* and you think I remember this why?
lierdumoa: okay I'm coming -- I need a break from the fic anyway

(up in fashes' room watching the ep on her computer)
fashes: *restarts episode*
...
Both: *hissing at the screen as Sam Carter appears*
...
fashes: I love Aeryn, but she's not our people.
fashes: Vala's our people.
lierdumoa: Yes.
fashes: Wait, why is Vala our people but Aeryn's not?
lierdumoa: Because Vala's a h0r.
fashes: riiiiiiight.
...
fashes: she's so practical!
lierdumoa: she's a whore who was raped by the Goa'uld
lierdumoa: and then had her people throw stones at her
lierdumoa: and there was no Jesus there to say "he who is without sin cast the first stone"
lierdumoa: it was just her
lierdumoa: and the stones
...
fashes: okay you have to write that down
lierdumoa: yes, yes I do
fashes: I left our instant messenger window open, just IM it to yourself
lierdumoa: *types* how do you spell Goa'uld?
fashes: doesn't matter
lierdumoa: but I want to get it right
lierdumoa Goa'uld Go'uld Go—
fashes: what are you! with the—okay move
lierdumoa: okay, whatever I give up
fashes: no, too late for that now, we're looking it up
fashes: *googles*
lierdumoa: I thought it was Goa'uld, it just looked wrong.
fashes: yes, well...
lierdumoa: I always forget where to put the apostrophe
lierdumoa: but now that I think about it, that makes sense
lierdumoa: that's how Teal'c pronounces it
lierdumoa: and Caldwell
lierdumoa: everyone else says Goold
lierdumoa: Elizabeth, John, but the actual Goa'uld always pronounce it right
...
lierdumoa: oh my God
lierdumoa: *starts cackling hysterically*
lierdumoa: your Trillian skin has an EMOTICON FOR JESUS
lierdumoa: *continues cackling hysterically*
lierdumoa: and there was no there to say "he who is without sin cast the first stone"
lierdumoa: It's an ICON of JESUS. GET IT?!? GET IT?!?
fashes: yes, yes with the horrible puns.
...
fashes: wait, how does getting raped by the Goa'uld make her practical?
lierdumoa: well, practical in the sense that she has perspective
fashes: but I meant it in the sense that she's working with the SGC now
lierdumoa: well, she's a survivor
lierdumoa: the more you have to survive the more practical you learn to be
lierdumoa: and she survived a whole lot
fashes: ah, true
...
Both: *more hissing as Sam Carter reappears*
fashes: oh God, I know what that is
fashes: that's a hollowed out Dell
fashes: those things weigh like ten pounds, no way is she just balancing it on her knee unless it's hollowed out
fashes: and using ordinary cables to interface with the ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY
fashes: wow, I'm totally going on a rant about this
lierdumoa: well, you know, they might be special government cables
fashes: shut up, her computer can't handle that
fashes: IT'S A DELL
fashes: that they HOLLOWED OUT and DECORATED WITH LED's
lierdumoa: *laughs*
...
fashes: You see?!? INARA.
lierdumoa: she totally looks like Vala's evil daughter
fashes: Vala's evil biracial daughter
fashes: apparently the Ori are Pacific Islanders
fashes: I like her better with gold eyes
lierdumoa: yes, she looks better with the gold eyes
Inara: (to Daniel) Your mind is very strong.
fashes: "...and I like that in a man" OH GOD I DIDN'T JUST GO THERE
lierdumoa: you went to your chan place didn't you
fashes: yes, dude she's like two months old
...
lierdumoa: I love it when Teal'c shoots things
lierdumoa: it's almost as good as watching other characters beat things
fashes: ooooh, no, in that one episode? it's totally as good
lierdumoa: which episode?
fashes: you know, on the planet with the invisibleness and dead warriors
lierdumoa: oh wait, was this one of the ones I skipped because it didn't have Vala in it?
lierdumoa: I need to go back and watch those
fashes: yes, you really do
fashes: because when Teal'c beams in with the 4 soldiers they're all crouched around him, guns raised with two hands and Teal'c is totally STANDING in the middle with a gun in EACH HAND raised out to the side.
fashes: while the soldiers KNEEEEEEEEEL all around him
lierdumoa: *laughs hysterically* he must have been a hive queen in his past life or something
fashes: maybe the wraith are related to the Goa'uld somehow



SGA 3x07: Common Ground

When I saw the preview for this episode I thought to myself, "this one's going to require an extra set of panties."

Suffice it to say, I was not disappointed.

Like they made it JUST. FOR. ME.

I am a happy happy fan. Happy happyyyyyyyyyy.

They...

They gave us porn. Beautiful, beautiful porn.

Elizabeth. GOD I LOVE HER. Being like, "BITCHES, WE DO NOT GIVE IN TO TERRORISM." And then interrogating whatsisface a him looking at Ronon and being like "Does he have to be in the room?" and Weir being like, "Yes, yes he does. Have you met my boyfriend? He likes to beat things.

...occasionally I let him."

Weir this season is, like, PERFECT. Ever so calmly explaining to Kolya that no means no. Ever so calmly tightening Ronon's cock ring leash when he gets out of hand. Sternly ordering Rodney to make sure John NEVER SAYS DIE because goddamnit, he's your boyfriend and it's your job.

And then John. Tied and gagged to a chair. And with the. And then the.

*gibbers*

And then when John and not!Steve break out of their cell together and John is watchign him feed off the guard. I seriously paused the episode to cross and uncross my legs a few times because that? That was just unseeeeeeemly. I felt kind of dirty. It takes a lot to make me feel dirty. Not!Steve was totally making angry orgasm noises and John was totally watching. Watching and listening while his wraith buddy fucked some guy to death and then walked back over to John panting. Panting. You know, like after a really good orgasm.

And John gave him a few seconds for afterglow, then caught his eye and tossed him the keys to unlock himself and. And. Yeah. The writers understand. Space vampires are for porn. Violent gay porn. With lots and lots of the Pegasus version of bloodplay. The end of the episode? Oh my god. Oh. My. God. That?

THAT IS WHAT I CALL TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM.

And Rodney LOVES HIS BOYFRIEND SO MUCH. Even though his boyfriend is an INTERGALACTIC SPACE H0R. No seriously.

Carson: He totally just raped you. We saw what he did to you.
John: Yeah, but I liked it. He just undid it.
not!Steve: The gift of life is granted only to the most faithful of our worshippers. Or our brothers.
lierdumoa: Riiiiiight. Brothers.
Rodney: he looks even younger than before!
Rodney: OH MY GOD YOUR KIRK POWERS WORK EVEN ON WRAITH
Rodney: MALE WRAITH!
Rodney: WITH PENISES!
Rodney: YOU H0R!!1!

Well, I guess there are a lot of things we don't know about the wraith, one of them being that they watch way to much Supernatural.

And John totally screaming at the beginning of that scene. Like he just came three minutes ago and his cock really shouldn't be going off again this soon and aaaaaagh God, it hurts and those bruises are going to take a while to fade but it's still good.

GOD, It's still good.

Ronon needs to hover threateningly ALL THE TIME.

Okay, aside from the porn.

Harpooning. They totally caught John with a harpoon. When does shit like this happen outside of fic?

*VIBRATES WITH THE AWESOME*

And Teyla is so good to Rodney. Whenever he's doing his earnest, vaguely retarded "what would Sheppard do" act with the inspirational military speeches whilst everyone is looking at him like a CRAZY PERSON.

<3


And, okay, in terms of meta, this totally made up for everything that was wrong with Misbegotten. This totally made up for MY LIFE. I was seriously hysterical with glee. Like. bouncing and grinning like a crazy person till my face hurt, could not calm down even when I tried for a good two hours after I finished the ep, in a good mood for the entire rest of the day HYSTERICAL.

My show just WINZ AT EVERYTHING.

::collapses::