nngh...

[lierdumoa]

Here's another itty-bitty piece of for you.



Severus quickly learned that befriending Lucius Malfoy was the worst possible way to redeem himself in the eyes of Sirius. Malfoy felt utter contempt for Sirius, a pureblood, getting sorted into Gryffindor. His elitist politics were only magnified by his ruthlessness. He tortured Sirius, and the other first years like him. Malfoy was a beast, simply put, and he had enough money and good looks to get away with anything.

Severus found himself trapped. He was something of a pet project of Malfoy's - as if the older boy were trying to train him to follow in his footsteps. Severus simply couldn't be like Lucius. He didn't have the sort of personality that hungered for excess. He preferred to subsist. Sure, he was selfish, but not in the way that Malfoy was selfish. He could be bitter and vengeful, but not casually cruel. He knew he'd never be able to take up where Malfoy left off.

But he couldn't ditch the elder Slytherin for the simple reason that no one said no to Lucius Malfoy - not even Lucius Malfoy himself. Of course most people in his year thought he had an awfully good position as Malfoy's favorite. He was smart enough that Lucius would ask him for advice on everything from classes to pranks. He was protected. Lucius never made Severus do any actual dirty work.

Life should have been easy for Severus. It should have. But then there was Sirius, sitting across the breakfast hall at the Gryffindor table. Sirius whose hate filled bright eyed gaze could knife through Severus from across the room and make him bleed. Severus hoped he'd eventually build up an immunity and stop caring, but every day it only seemed to hurt more.

Severus ended up trying to dissolve his inner turmoil in his studies. He discovered potions - the only subject tedious enough to stand a chance at distracting him from the mess that was his life. He was a brilliant student, even without trying. There were good reasons for admitting him to Hogwarts early. He was even more brilliant when he made it his business to lose himself in his textbooks. Severus found a way to make himself largely oblivious to the world around him. It seemed the easiest thing to do. Of course, Severus couldn't stay oblivious forever.

At the end of Severus' third year, Lucius Malfoy graduated.

In Severus' fourth year, everything went to hell.



It's all crap. *Crap!*

Don't worry. Once I get it betaed it will be less 'of the crap' and probably much longer since I'll be getting rid of all the stupid little plot holes.



Talk to me daylight_shadow. I'm getting lonely. You too evenstarjuliet. I know you're reading this. Be a good former roomate and tell me what you think. Pleeease -- I'll buy you pocky ;o)



In other news, I went to my college's LBGT (Lesbian Bisexual Gay Transgender) meeting for entering freshmen (cutely named the "Welcome Fruit Fest"). Why, do you ask? To show my lesbian-bisexual-gay-transgender pride? Well, no actually, seeing as I am none of the above (I've read femmeslash. Does that count? Probably not). So why did I go? Because they were making free smoothies.

What -- wanna make something of it? They were *really* good smoothies.

I know. I'm horrible. I've turned into a total free food whore. I'll do anything and go anywhere for free food. I probably wouldn't have been there if not for the free smoothies. To make things worse, I drank too many, and I'm feeling all bloaty now.

Still, I'm happy I went. I met nice people and learned a bit.

Comments

[evenstarjuliet.livejournal.com]

I'll read it : ) Are you going to EC tonight?

[lierdumoa.livejournal.com]

Ooh -- very much liking the icon.

I came, I saw, I bleached, I left.

I'll save the dying for tomorrow.

[evenstarjuliet.livejournal.com]

so they really told you to come back tomorrow, then? eee I can't wait to see! Vershima has no dye either!

Yes, I like the icon too. It's badass. like hair dye. badass.

Ah, the late night internet addiction.