Hmmmm.

[lierdumoa]

I have realized that I hate being in the car when my cousin drives. She is a discourteous driver. She beeped her horn to make a car scoot up when it had clearly stopped at a stop light at what it considered to be a safe distance behind the car in front of it so she could get into the turning lane (as if she would not have gotten there anyway six seconds later when the light turned green). She beeped her horn twice at a person to get their attention so she could ask them if they were vacating their parking spot.

I think a car horn is the most obnoxious thing in the *world.* The horn is for preventing traffic accidents. The horn is not for getting people's attention for stupid, selfish reasons. It's just fucking rude. It's like online people who act like assholes when they are online, but then act perfectly civil when they are not.

I can't tell her any of this because she is twice my age.



So, I'm amused to discover that my undermistletoe fic and "Grace Under Pressure" are inexplicably about the same thing. Well, not entirely, but the whole Sam Carter wisdom vs. intelligence debate, the trust issues, these themes are the basis for the story I'm writing.

See, Rodney does not do leaps of faith. Rodney needs proof for things. It is why he is so perpetually fatalistic. He does not trust an idea if he hasn't yet fully rationalized it in his head. Sam Carter, on the other hand, trusts her intuition. Leaps of faith come naturally to her.

This aspect of Sam Carter is disturbing to me on some fundamental level. Because I have met brilliant physicists, and they don't think like she does. They're not satisfied with intuition. They want the proof. Stumbling upon an equation that spits out the right numbers is useful for applied physics. But physics is not about applications. It's not about building machines. It's about understanding the universe, and all its sweet, sweet math.

Now Rodney finds himself working for the SGC. Where there's no need to prove that a Stargate works with math, because it proves that it works just by working. The very quality that pushed Rodney forward as physicist back on earth, his need to prove things, is now holding him back. He is in an environment where using the right equation is more important than figuring out why it's the right equation. He is forced to just assume that the proof exists and not ask questions. It's unnatural to him.

Which brings me back to my fic. To why I am writing my fic. My story is about Rodney doing something impossible and brilliant. It's all guesswork and instinct and it breaks his brain a little, but he does it. He does it for John. And he couldn't have done it without having known John.

Because Rodney didn't understand what a hail mary was until he met John.

This is half of why I ship John/Rodney.

This is my canon.