Mad Squeeage Ahead

[lierdumoa]

I'm using the "Holy Crap Batman!" icon. Why, you ask?

I'll tell you why.



I SAW RETURN OF THE KING!!!!




Okay first off, Eowyn? Is now my hero. *First* she killed the nazgul. Lopped off it's head. Totally kick ass. *Then* she killed the Witch King. And he was all like "No man can kill me!" and then a hobbit stabbed him in the back and then a woman stabbed him in the face and then he had a very creative death there on the field, kinda dissappearing out of his clothes. Eowyn, you rock! You rock my fucking socks off! That was so damn cool!

Also, who wins the award for The Most Melodramatic Death Ever? Denethor, that's who! He goes bitter/crazy and tries to burn his son alive. Fucking nutcake. Then? He pours some kind of flamable fluid over him and his son. Gandalf burst in and he lights himself on fire. Gandalf beats him up a bit, and in the meanwhile Pippin saves Faramir and the fire spreads all over Denethor. I was like, "Dude, he's completely enveloped in flames. What a fucking awful way to die." And then suddenly he gets up and runs. Headlong, fifteen second sprint off a cliff. And did I mention flaming? He runs off a cliff in flames. I was like -- Yo! WTF?!?

Serious moment: Pippin's singing scene. That's my new favorite piece of music. That was just so deep and I just sat there in awe cause it was so fucking deep and beautiful and sad and I just knew Faramir's army was going to die and I had no idea Billy Boyd could sing, but it felt like he was killing me softly (I apologize for that truly atrocious pun). Jeebus. And Denethor eating like a pig and looking like he'd lost all traces of civilization wearing a sham of king's clothing while drink dribbled down his chin like a thin trail of blood and that's *art,* people. That's film genre *art* the way it's fucking *supposed* to be.

Loved when Elrond came to camp to talk to Aragorn and we had the camera do that nice slow pan over the giant phallic symbol ancestral sword. I was so close to snorting. In my head I was thinking, "Oh wait, not done slow panning. Still got a good thirteen inches to go." *snerk*

Or course I haven't even begun to go into the slash. Were the other movies this slashy? I don't remember the other movies being this slashy. Now there are some words, for example "luff" and "liek" and "teh" and "woobie" that I avoid the way good Christian girls avoid saying shit or fuck. But Merry + Pippin = Giant Brain Melting Woobie and there's no other way to describe it. They're so cute I can't fucking stand it. And the whole scene where he finds Merry? Woobie liek a mad thing. Cue hysterical giggling. I'm sure the people sitting behind me in the theater were starting to get annoyed. I just love them so much. I think they and Eowyn should run off to married bliss and have kinky threesome trans-species sex happily ever after. But that's just me.

Although there was one lady sitting next to me who was fighting snickers every time Frodo and Sam came out with the lingering stares. And there were some loooo-hooooong stares there. So I wasn't surprised that someone else was sitting there thinking "Are they going to make out or what?" I mean, seriously. The weeping. And the cradling. I repeat -- cradling. And I don't actually ship Frodo/Sam, but forehead kiss! forehead kiss!

Okay, I think that's enough time spent exploring subtext. We've now reached the part of my journal entry where I wax poetic on how fucking gorgeous Legolas is. First, ohmygoodness the whole scene with the giant elephant monster. That was hotness. I was like, "Holy shit. Hotness." And I wasn't even referring to how screamingly fuckable the elf is. Just the stuff he *did* with the arrows and the counting his kills and the climbing and the cutting of the ropes and letting them drag him to the top and the shooting the elephant thing in the head and riding it's trunk down to the ground.

And then, of course, there was the scene at the end where he and the rest of the army were in front of Gondor and the orc folk started coming out. The close up on the too blue eyes and the fucking perfect skin and that scared expression and that cupid's bow pout and God help me I just wanted to fuck him till he cried. Too. Much. Pretty. Orlando Bloom so needs to have my babies. And it's become abundantly clear that I am no longer speaking coherently on the subject of the gorgeous blond elf, so I'll shut up now.

So, uhm, yeah. End was kinda drawn out way too long. Loved the Aragorn/Evenstar reunion, though.



Okay, so there's my speil on the whole thing. Now I have to go dig through other people's back entries for their reactions to the movie, since everybody on my friends list watched it and discussed it on their ljs long before me.

Plus maiaj just posted a load of Billy/Dom recs, and since that is my LOTRPS OTP, I really must check them out.

Eeeeeeeeee!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Comments

[permetaform]

I loved the way you described Pippin's singing scene, it's perfectly my reaction too, I think it's up there with Aragorn's look towards his troops ("For Frodo") and that bit where everyone kneels for the hobbits and it pans out. lovely. Just lovely.