Bitter Water: Pt.1; Ch. 3 & 4
Oct. 2nd, 2003 04:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lierdumoaThis is the final draft of the NC-17 version of Chapters III and IV of Bitter Water. Enjoy!
Prologue
Chapter I
Chapter II
::Chapter III::
Severus got up early the next morning. He dressed quickly before leaving his dorm and making his way towards the breakfast hall. Malfoy was already there at that early hour, and greeted him with a dangerous-looking grin. For a while it was just the two of them, chatting about classes and other harmless subjects.
After some minutes, the two were joined by Lucius' fourth year mates. They sat down around Severus, looking at him with curiosity -- some, with outright antipathy. He fell silent under their gazes and decided to do his best to appear oblivious to their attention, concentrating instead on his breakfast.
Eventually Evan and Roland entered the great hall. Severus felt a wave of relief pass through him at the sight of the two boys. At least with them at the table some of the attention would be taken off him. He beckoned them over. Evan saw him first and alerted Roland. The pair began to advance towards Severus.
They stopped.
Severus glanced around and saw that the fourth years surrounding Lucius were glaring at Evan and Roland with rather menacing expressions. He then watched as his two fellow first-years began to backpedal towards a less intimidating region of the Slytherin table.
Severus turned angrily to Lucius. "You told me they were invited."
The blond's face was blanked out in a mask of boredom. "Well, it looks like they decided to decline the invitation." He patted Severus patronizingly on the shoulder. "Some other time, perhaps?"
Severus turned back to his food, seizing his fork in a tight fist. Angry and betrayed, his knuckles whitened in their hold as he thought of the a hundred terrible things he could do to Lucius without even using his wand.
But the quiet, unemotional side of him pointed out that he hadn't really wanted to be friends with Evan or Roland in the first place. The only reason he'd wanted them around was because he felt so out of his depth around Lucius. Being surrounded by angry elitist fourth fourth-years wasn't the most comfortable position for a first first-year to be in.
Besides - if he actually tried to exact revenge on Lucius it was quite likely he would end up at the disadvantage. He'd heard rumors in the hallways that Lucius had some extracurricular training of his own in the area of the dark arts. And it was quite likely if he tried something he'd end up expelled. After all the strings his mother had pulled to get him into Hogwarts, he'd hate to repay her by getting kicked out.
He loosened the death grip on his fork. He then looked up at the fourth-years surrounding him, measuring and weighing each face in turn. He settled his gaze on a particularly venomous glare. It was coming from one of Lucius’ closest friends.
*So you think I don't belong here?*
He returned the angry glare with a one of his own. Ever since he'd been a small child people had been wary of his eyes. Dark and inhuman, they'd said. Disturbing. Alien. Severus remembered Luthien telling him that he had his father's eyes, though at the time, his stepfather hadn't bothered to explain the significance of that statement.
*You're probably right. I don't belong here. Not at this table. Not at this school. Not human enough. Never human enough...*
The older boy was the first to turn away, unable to face the dark challenge in Severus' eyes. Severus smiled coldly.
*But I'd like to see you try and make me leave.*
He decided he could grow to like breakfast.
Severus left the hall ten or so minutes before the end of the meal. He excused himself and made his way towards the main entrance. He almost had his hand at the door handle when Sirius burst into the room.
Sirius.
Staring at Severus like he didn't know what to think.
Severus decided to speak. "I'm sorry for...for all what happened yesterday."
Pause.
"Are you going to hate me for a very long time?"
Sirius' face clouded over for a moment with an inscrutable expression. A whirlwind of thought surrounded the boy, striking Severus as an almost visible ripple. Eventually the emotions smoothed out as something akin to menace. The roaring hostility was enough to make Severus wince.
"I don't think you're a very good person, Snape," Sirius said. "Maybe I figured you were at first, but I don't anymore. I think you're going to have to prove me wrong."
"I've lost the benefit of the doubt, then?" Sirius said nothing; instead he turned and walked towards the Gryffindor table, not bothering with so much as a backwards glance. Severus stood stock still in the middle of the doorway and stared after Sirius' retreating form. He didn't know how he should respond to that. He wanted Sirius not to hate him. He needed Sirius to not hate him. He could sense that hatred, and it tore through him like shrapnel. It was...crippling.
There was something about that boy, something in the intricacies of his brain, in the flavor of his thoughts – a pungency in his emotions that Severus could feel, smell. He knew that some part of his dementor heritage enabled him to sense Sirius' every base instinct, every half-formed, unarticulated thought. Whether he wanted to or not.
He was beginning to think that dementors were a race in love with pain.
*Or maybe I'm just in love with pain.*
Severus wanted to go after Sirius and beg for forgiveness, but if he'd inherited anything from his mother, his real mother, it was a backbone. He refused to go crawling to Sirius to curry favor. He had to believe that he deserved better than that. He'd made a mistake in attacking Pettigrew. A mistake didn't make him an evil person, and it certainly didn't give Sirius the right to judge him.
Severus briefly considered running up to Evan and asking him what to say, how to fix this. Then he remembered all the reasons why that was a bad idea.
The bell rang suddenly, and students began to clear out of the hall. Lucius came up to Severus and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Forget about him," the blond said. "He was sorted into Gryffindor. He's a disgrace to his entire family."
Lucius gave Severus a slight nudge foreward before heading off to his classes. Severus started to walk, more confused now than ever. That hat thing of Dumbledore's had made Gryffindor sound like a decent enough place to be sorted into.
Severus sighed. Maybe Lucius was right. Gryffindor couldn't be all that wonderful. If Sirius' personality matched that of his house-mates, Severus could only assume that Gryffindors were all self-righteous pricks.
*Who can't even make it to breakfast on time...*
Severus quickly learned that befriending Lucius Malfoy and repairing his relations with Sirius were two mutually exclusive goals. Malfoy felt utter contempt for Sirius, a pureblood, getting sorted into Gryffindor. His elitist politics were only magnified by his ruthlessness. He tortured Sirius, and the other first years like him. Malfoy was a beast, simply put, with enough money and good looks to get away with murder.
Severus found himself trapped. He was something of a pet project of Malfoy's – as if the older boy were trying to train him to follow in his footsteps. Severus simply couldn't be like Lucius. He didn't have the sort of personality that hungered for excess. He preferred to subsist. Sure, he was selfish, but not in the way that Malfoy was selfish. He could be bitter and vengeful, but not casually cruel. He knew he'd never be able to take up where Malfoy left off.
But he couldn't ditch the elder Slytherin for the simple reason that no one said no to Lucius Malfoy - not even Lucius Malfoy himself. Of course most people in his year thought he had an awfully good position as Malfoy's favorite. He was smart enough that Lucius would ask him for advice on everything from classes to pranks. He was protected. Lucius never made Severus do any actual dirty work.
Life should have been easy for Severus. It should have. But there was always Sirius, glaring at him from across the breakfast hall, eyes sharp and slitted. That gaze would knife through Severus from fifty yards away and make him bleed.
Severus ended up trying to dissolve his inner turmoil in his studies. He was a good student, even without trying. He was brilliant when he made it his business to lose himself in his textbooks. The headmaster had been given good reason for admitting Severus into Hogwarts two years early.
Unfortunately, schoolwork only ever managed to distract Severus during his waking hours. At night, he dreamed. He dreamed of confronting Sirius, losing control, screaming until he lost the ability to speak. He dreamed of looking into the Gryffindor's eyes and seeing forgiveness, kindness, mercy. Or something else altogether.
He'd wake only to find his hand behind the waistband of his trousers, an aching stiffness underneath.
He prayed for dreamless sleep.
Potions turned out to be the only subject tedious enough to truly distract him from his life's various complications. He spent most of his time in the underbelly of Hogwarts, bent over cauldrons or measuring ingredients. His hair went lank under the fumes of brewing potions and his skin went pale in the dark, windowless rooms of the dungeons. Severus' activities made it very easy for him to avoid others, and he grew largely oblivious to the world around him.
Of course, he couldn't stay oblivious forever.
At the end of Severus' fourth year, Lucius Malfoy graduated.
"Look at Snape over there. He's sitting all by himself." James frowned, sprawling back against his seat on the Hogwarts Express.
"Of course he is," Sirius smirked. "All his friends have gone."
"You mean he didn't have any friends in our year?"
"Of course not." Sirius scoffed. "Snape doesn't make friends. You know the only reason he hung out with Malfoy was because Malfoy wanted a pet project."
James grinned, suddenly. "No more Malfoy."
"Yeah," Peter sighed. "D'you think Snape'll try to take his place?"
"He's not that stupid," Sirius said. "Look at his face. He knows he hasn't got anyone. He's practically trying to melt into his seat."
Remus, who had been quiet for most of the train ride, decided to take this moment to speak up. "You're being awfully observant, Sirius."
"Yeah, so what?"
"So it took you a year to figure out James had a crush on Lily."
"...So?"
"James confides in you more than the rest of us."
Sirius frowned. "Well maybe we never stood around in a circle staring at James and talking about him. Maybe that's why I never noticed."
Remus shrugged. "I'm just saying..."
James waved a hand to get their attention. "Please stop talking about me like I'm not here."
They muttered brief apologies to James and the conversation was abandoned for a game of exploding snap. Remus joined in on the game, but only after sending a few questioning glances in Severus' direction, wondering what it was about Severus that drew Sirius' attention.
Sirius usually had a habit of being spectacularly oblivious. He did well in his classes, but was only because he was brilliant enough to do well without trying. Sirius was the epitome of an impulsive Gryffindor, and rarely bothered to concern himself with the finer details of a situation.
But Sirius *noticed* Severus. He noticed everything about Severus. Sirius had always spent an inordinate amount of attention at Severus, be it glaring at him from across the main hall, or making snide remarks about his connections with Malfoy, or simply bristling whenever he walked into a room. And there was another thing - Sirius always seemed to know when Severus was near. Even without being endowed with werewolf senses, Sirius could sniff out the Slytherin with an almost preternatural awareness.
Remus never confronted Sirius about it. He knew his friend would deny it until he ran out of breath. But Remus had begun to suspect that Sirius' scoffing hatred for Severus meant something very different from James' casual dislike, or Peter's jealous anger. What it meant, he had no idea.
He supposed he’d find out eventually.
This was how things got started.
On Day One of fifth year, right after he disembarked from the train, James decided that he and the rest of his foursome should rule the school. After all, they were for the most part intelligent and attractive, not to mention good at sports. The existing power structure built by Lucius Malfoy had gone on to further callings or higher learning. If any group were to replace that power structure, it would have to be the...well...actually James hadn't thought up a name yet. But when he did it was going to be something wicked cool.
He told the Sirius about it first, and Sirius *loved* the idea. Of course, the four of them would have to destroy all remnants of the existing power structure first. A great many students were still a little bit afraid of Snape. That just wouldn't do. The four of them would have to work to make the greasy git disgustingly unpopular. The only question was of how to go about it.
"Why we'll pull pranks, of course," Sirius laughed. "We could come up with some great ones, I figure. We could call ourselves the...ah...the Marauders!"
It certainly was a wicked cool name.
About three weeks into fourth year, the great plan was well underway. The pranks the four of them thought up were nothing short of exceptional. Sirius found he had a remarkable talent for flirting with every passing skirt. James found he had an even more remarkable talent for showing off on the Quidditch pitch. Remus didn't have to change at all. He needed only to walk about and brood like a tortured hero. Women loved that -- or so Peter assured him. And being friends with Sirius and James didn't hurt. Even Peter managed to catch a bit of the group's rising fame merely through association.
As time passed, humiliating Snape in public became less of a goal, and more of a group hobby - a habit, even. The four, expecially James and Sirius, would walk up to Severus and snatch away whatever book he was reading or trip him on his way to his seat. They thought up all sorts of ways to make the young Slytherin's life more unpleasant than it was, and since virtually every member of their year held some sort of resentment towards the boy who once was Malfoy's favorite, no one thought to put a stop to the Marauders' behavior.
Of course, there were a precious few who disapproved, but never to the extent that they would actually take action to put a stop to it. Besides - the Marauders' popularity scheme had worked off. It wasn't long before the four boys were virtually untouchable.
Severus found himself spending even more time doing potions work, simply to avoid contact with the other members of his class. He learned the subject so well he could have taught it. To the seventh-years. All that extra time in the dungeons certainly didn't help his reputation. In fact, it spawned a great many derogatory names, as the potion fumes made his clothes smell odd and his hair go lank.
Of course, Severus was not one to simply take this sort of treatment lying down. He did his best to retaliate. The problem was that Severus had never really learned any of the silly curses useful for creating or preventing pranks. All the retaliations he could think of were simply too severe. Pranks were, for the most part, bungled up curses that had been written in books and marketed for the enjoyment of children. An itching curse, for example, was a very weak version of another curse originally intended to cause burning. What had devolved into a vomiting curse was originally a torture device intended to make its victim puke their guts out - literally.
One of the unique things about Severus that his professors would always point out was his gift for precision in spellcasting. He either got something totally right or not at all. Seeing as most spells used as pranks were intended to be cast only somewhat correctly and a truly precise casting could result in something deadly, it was easy to see why Severus simply had no talent for defending himself against the Marauders.
However, Severus couldn't go on like this. Things had been awful before when Sirius had hated him, but at least he'd had Malfoy's protection. Now he had nothing but his own intelligence. He decided to resort to desperate measures. Since he couldn't fight the Gryffindor foursome with spells and the boys had no fear of authority figures, he'd simply have to resort to blackmail. It shouldn't be that difficult to find something on those four that was truly damaging. All Severus would need to do was perhaps follow the boys around for a bit. Find out what made them tick. Find out what, if anything, they were trying to hide.
And that was how things got a whole lot worse.
::Chapter IV::
Severus had always been a very studious child. He'd always delighted in gathering and collecting information through his books or through the people that surrounded him. He'd been told once that hunger was the closest thing to emotion that dementors had the capacity to feel. It had always seemed perfectly reasonable that Severus' hunger for knowledge surpassed any of his other feelings by way of outward expression.
Now Severus had something very different to hunger for. Revenge. He wanted to hurt James for his cruel actions and Peter for his derisive laughter. He wanted to hurt Remus for standing by with his mild frown of disapproval, all the while doing nothing at all to either join in with his friends or to stop them. Most of all, he wanted to hurt Sirius for hating him. Because he simply couldn’t' bear it. Severus could still taste the boy's emotions shimmering in the air around him, more prominently than anyone else’s. The ability had not lessened since that first encounter in Madam Malkin's, and if anything, it had strengthened. Severus could still *sense* Sirius floating on the edge of his consciousness as a formless, intangible ache.
Severus couldn't help feeling he was about to break. All he wanted was for Sirius to break first.
So it was back to watching. Gathering and collecting information. Only now, Severus was doing so for a very different purpose. He was waiting for a revelation. Waiting for some piece of knowledge with the power to change the way he was treated, change the way he was seen, change everything.
He waited a very long time.
It wasn’t until seventh year before he found what he was looking for. He had very little to go on besides instinct. All he knew was that something about Remus seemed off. Not quite typical human. His dementor abilities had increased over the years, but had never really been put into practice. For reasons unknown to Severus, sensing Sirius had always been easy. Other people were another matter. Other people were a low hum at the back of Severus’ brain. It was difficult to tell apart individuals.
But something about Remus stood out. There were times when his emotions seemed baser, more primitive than was the norm. Severus didn't know what this meant, but the more he watched Remus and the way his friends treated him, the more he began to suspect that it meant something important.
By the time Severus had figured this out, his following of the Marauders had devolved into stalking. It was only natural that Sirius would call him on it. Stalking was not what Sirius considered within acceptable parameters for their relationship. Enemies ought to give each other some space. Sirius made a decision – he went to find Severus, with every intention of putting the greasy git in his place before going on his swaggering way.
Severus was in the dungeons making a potion, as was his typical habit. He started when the door to the room banged open and dropped one too many unicorn hairs into his concoction. Cursing vociferously with the realization that he would need to start all over, he turned to the doorway with every intention of slicing his intruder to little pieces.
*Oh. Sirius.*
"Can I help you with something?"
"You've been bothering us lately, Snape. We want you to stop tailing us everywhere we go."
Severus felt a brief flash of panic, but managed not to let the emotion appear on his face. "I have no idea what you're referring to."
Sirius smirked. "You know exactly what I'm referring to. Just stop it."
Snape closed his eyes for a moment. *Time to change tactics.* He opened them again to capture Sirius in an unsettling stare. "Why don't you make me."
"I'll –"
"Please, Black, refrain from idle threats."
"When have my threats ever been idle."
"Whenever you've had too much to lose."
Sirius paused for a moment. Layered conversations had never been his forte. "Tell me Snape -- what have I got to lose this time?"
It was Severus' turn to pause. He had suspicions about Remus, but they weren't even close to being confirmed. Even if there was something off about Remus, there was no guarantee that Sirius knew about it. Still, it was all Severus had to go on, and he wasn't about to let Sirius win this little argument.
Still – something was better than nothing.
"Oh, I don't know – a friend perhaps?"
"What are you implying Snape?"
"There's something a bit...off...about Lupin, isn't there?"
Severus watched in awe as Sirius' face blanched white. A whirl of emotion shot through Severus from Sirius' direction -- a indecipherable jumble of panic. Then panic shifted to rage, and Sirius's face turned red with anger. Sirius said something then. He wasn't quite sure why he said it, and later would chalk the word up to an uncontrolled outburst of irrational spite. "You're asking me, Snape? Why don't you find out for yourself. There's a knot at the foot of the Whomping Willow. Go by...oh...next Tuesday should be the right time. Tap the knot with your wand."
"Why are you telling me this."
"You said you thought there was something off about Remus. I'm merely suggesting you go find him and ask him yourself."
"Why should I trust you?"
Sirius grinned a shark-like smile, and for a moment Severus felt like he was back in first year meeting Malfoy at the breakfast table.
"You don't have to trust me, Snape. Just go. It's not like you've got anything to lose."
Hushed voices in the background. *I almost...I almost...* Dumbledore, having been made headmaster in Severus' sixth year, was now speaking with...
*killed Lupin. I almost...*
Sirius. Sirius. Always the center of attention since the beginning of fifth year. This time the attention wasn't exactly positive.
*I could have if I hadn't realized in time...*
Dumbledore's soft brand of chastisement melded with the rest of the white noise at the back of Severus' mind. He didn't want to hear what the old man had to say to Sirius. He knew the words would never be harsh enough. He knew that Sirius just couldn't understand the enormity of what he'd done.
*because nothing happened*
Right?
*we're all okay*
Severus was sure Dumbledore would be harsher if something had happened. But Dumbledore simply wasn't used to being harsh to Sirius. Dumbledore loved Sirius, like the rest of the staff and faculty loved Sirius, like the majority of the graduating class loved Sirius, like the entire female population of Hogwarts loved Sirius, *like I lov...*
Hushed voices in the background. *Did they know how easily I would have kil...* McGonnagall entered into the office to speak to Dumbledore.
*...if I hadn't realized that the werewolf was Lupin, I'd have killed it...*
And it would have been self defense.
Everything seemed very surreal there in the too-quiet office. The thought drifted idly through Severus' head that *I could have died just as easily.*
It really *would* have been self defense.
*And they would have put him down, like an animal.*
If not for James. James. *Should I be grateful?*
*Should I be sorry that I'm not?*
Dumbledore led Sirius out of his office, then turned to Severus, beckoning him in with a wave of his hand.
Afterwards.
Severus cornered Sirius in the hallway next to the kitchens, a thin, bitter smile curling his lips. His eyes were turned cold and dead. Sirius suppressed a shiver. "What do you want, Snape?"
"Oh, I want a lot of things. Mostly - mostly I want to watch you suffer for what you did."
"Look Snape, I'm sorry, but it's done."
"So I should forgive and forget?"
"It doesn't look like you have much of a choice."
"I could get you expelled, you know."
"You could do nothing of the sort."
"I could do anything I want. Dumbledore is not self-employed. I need only appeal to one of his superiors."
"So have you come here to threaten me? Is that it? I won't play your little game."
Severus' lips curled into a thin pout. "No, you won't, will you. Merlin forbid you do anything to hurt your pride." He sighed. "Ever the arrogant Gryffindor. Did you even apologize to your dear friend Lupin? Or would such an expression have discomfited your ego? "
"Don't patronize me."
"Big word, Black. I'm impressed."
Sirius raised a fist toward Severus.
"Going to hit me, then? As if you weren't in enough trouble for what you did already."
Sirius paused.
"Well go on then. I'm not stopping you. Beat me to a bloody pulp."
"You don't think I will?"
"I think you'll try."
"Try? Why would I do anything but succeed? We've played this game before, Snape. I always win. You think this time would be any different?"
"This time, I'm not afraid to kill you."
"Don't tell me you were just ‘holding back' before. Really? Oh, good show, Snape!"
Severus greeted Sirius' sarcasm with a cold, narrow smile. Unsettled by this response, the cocky Gryffindor felt his confidence begin to falter. He found himself blurting, "But Dumbledore confiscated both our wands."
"Indeed he did."
“Well it’s not like you’ve got a vial of potion stuffed away in your back pocket.”
“No. Certainly not that.”
"You can't possibly expect to hurt me without some sort of weapon."
"I can't?" Severus took a step closer. Sirius resisted the urge to back away.
"You've been holding that fist up in the air for a while now. Aren't you going to do something about it? Hit me already."
Sirius paused, debating what to do. He knew that he had a habit of acting before thinking. Instinct was telling him that now was a time to think. The smart thing to do would of course be to leave. Sirius dropped his fist and turned to go.
But before he could finish his first step, Severus kicked out with his foot, shoving Sirius to the ground, rage gleaming in his black eyes. "Don't you dare walk away," Severus hissed. "You think you can take the moral high-ground now? After three years of torture?"
Sirius pushed himself up from his prostrate position and turned towards Severus. "Fine, Snape," he growled, clambering to his feet. "If that's how you want it."
He drove foreward, punching Severus hard in the stomach. He followed quickly with a kick to the groin. Severus curled in on himself, grimacing in pain. He took two harsh breaths and then straightened, facing Sirius with some approximation of a fighting stance. Sirius laughed at this effort before wrapping both hands around Severus' neck and slamming him up against the nearest wall. "Not afraid to kill me, Snape? Tell me this - are you afraid of pain?"
Severus broke out of the bruising hold in a burst of adrenalin. He twisted his fingers into the Gryffindor's hair and pushed foreward until Sirius was backed up against the opposite wall. "I'm not afraid of anything," Severus whispered. His words were like a promise. He rose, lifting up onto the toes of his feet, moving until his face was level with his opponent's. "I'm not afraid of anything," he said again.
And then, he was pressing his lips to Sirius', his eyes gone dark and strange as he breathed in, and in...
*This is what killing is to a dementor...*
Sirius felt as though he were floating, as though he were fading. Memories flickered and popped within his mind, dimming at the seam between their lips. A weak moan escaped from the back of his throat. His hands began to tremble. *Maybe I'm dying,* he mused.
*Maybe.*
Thoughts faded. Sirius opened his mouth. And slid his tongue forward. The wet, agile muscle caressed the roof of Severus' mouth, trailed the hollows of the moist cavern, smoothed over lips still frozen with murderous intent. Severus had not been expecting...this.
The Slytherin began to pull away. Sirius followed his movement, sinking further into the kiss, pressing forward against layers of clothing, raising his hands to clutch at Severus' shirtfront. And Severus.
Let him.
*What am I doing?*
Sirius never managed to formulate an answer, for suddenly Severus decided to reciprocate. Small, sharp bites ravaged the line of Sirius' mouth. Warm suction enveloped his tongue, drew on it, laid claim to it. He moaned quietly and slid his hands up Severus’ arms to grip his shoulders. The tips of the Slytherin’s hair feathered against Sirius’ knuckles, and he absently noted that the soft strands felt much cleaner than they looked.
He was distracted from further thought as Severus began sifting through his robes, pushing at the folds of his garments to brush against the bare skin of his stomach. The touch was dry, slightly rough. Sirius was surprised, for he had somehow expected Severus’ hands to be softer, gentler. He supposed he should have known better. No doubt those hands had been subject to considerable abuse. It was too easy to imagine those palms red and abraded from handling dry, stinging powders without the cumbersome protection of dragon hide gloves. Too easy to picture those slender wrists sore and stiff from lifting heavy cauldrons from one burner to another.
Sirius could feel the thin quill calluses that lined the pads of Severus’ fingertips. They scraped gently along his waist, circled his hips, and smoothed down beneath the lip of his trousers to curl around the curve of his buttocks. They dipped teasingly into the cleft before returning to that flat stretch of abdomen to find that trail of darkened hair and...follow it.
Eyes fluttered closed.
Sirius’ belt slithered from its loops in a soft hiss. His pants dropped unceremoniously, tangling around his ankles and bunching over his shoes. Thumbs hooked over the waistband of his underclothes and shoved downward. Hands shifted. The heel of a palm pressed insistently against the heated skin at the base of Sirius’ shaft. He moaned softly, his tongue still held prisoner in Severus’ mouth.
Severus shivered at the sound and bent his wrist towards the exposed length, wrapping his fingers around the warm flesh. And those fingers...
*twitching over a sprawl of parchment scraps as they scribbled a mess of notes into*
...found the beaded moisture at the head of Sirius’ prick and...
*crooking over the warped edge of an old wand. “If you don’t practice, you’ll never -*
...painted a streak of moisture along the bluish vein that...
*worrying at the edges of a bandage. It doesn’t hurt. And even if it did*
...ran along the underside. The member hardened in his hands, jerking in a sharp upwards flex.
*Dementors don’t know how to scream.*
Severus closed his lips to press chastely against the wet edge of his lover’s mouth.
If he dared use such an endearment.
Sirius’ slid his hands from Severus’ shoulders to tug and part the Slytherin’s robes. Once the garment lay gaping and open he swept his hips forward, surging upward towards Severus' impressive erection. He tensed as their thighs brushed, reveling in the sensation of skin on skin. He arched back until his muscles and ligaments burned with the strain, until he felt the bulge of Severus’ arousal jerk against his own, until –
The kiss broke.
Sirius inhaled on a shriek, head thrown back, lungs gasping in air with a drowned desperation. He came, spraying his release over a ridiculous tangle of limbs. His climax tore through Severus’ mind, and the Slytherin had no choice but to follow in it’s aftermath, thrusting forward through the fog of spent emotion and losing himself in the liquid flow of orgasm.
Severus closed his eyes, and his mouth fell open in release of one hot, short breath - one he had not realized he’d been holding in.
Until Sirius closed his lips over that last escape of air.
And swallowed it down.
To Be Continued...
Many thanks to my wonderful betas,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
amariel and daylight_shadow. Many thanks also to Minna and PD Boggart. Their works -- "Emmanuel" and "In the Paw Prints of Canis Major" (on the SSFQF and ff.net, respectively) -- gave me the inspiration to write this.
Now feed the author. She's hungry.
Prologue
Chapter I
Chapter II
::Chapter III::
Severus got up early the next morning. He dressed quickly before leaving his dorm and making his way towards the breakfast hall. Malfoy was already there at that early hour, and greeted him with a dangerous-looking grin. For a while it was just the two of them, chatting about classes and other harmless subjects.
After some minutes, the two were joined by Lucius' fourth year mates. They sat down around Severus, looking at him with curiosity -- some, with outright antipathy. He fell silent under their gazes and decided to do his best to appear oblivious to their attention, concentrating instead on his breakfast.
Eventually Evan and Roland entered the great hall. Severus felt a wave of relief pass through him at the sight of the two boys. At least with them at the table some of the attention would be taken off him. He beckoned them over. Evan saw him first and alerted Roland. The pair began to advance towards Severus.
They stopped.
Severus glanced around and saw that the fourth years surrounding Lucius were glaring at Evan and Roland with rather menacing expressions. He then watched as his two fellow first-years began to backpedal towards a less intimidating region of the Slytherin table.
Severus turned angrily to Lucius. "You told me they were invited."
The blond's face was blanked out in a mask of boredom. "Well, it looks like they decided to decline the invitation." He patted Severus patronizingly on the shoulder. "Some other time, perhaps?"
Severus turned back to his food, seizing his fork in a tight fist. Angry and betrayed, his knuckles whitened in their hold as he thought of the a hundred terrible things he could do to Lucius without even using his wand.
But the quiet, unemotional side of him pointed out that he hadn't really wanted to be friends with Evan or Roland in the first place. The only reason he'd wanted them around was because he felt so out of his depth around Lucius. Being surrounded by angry elitist fourth fourth-years wasn't the most comfortable position for a first first-year to be in.
Besides - if he actually tried to exact revenge on Lucius it was quite likely he would end up at the disadvantage. He'd heard rumors in the hallways that Lucius had some extracurricular training of his own in the area of the dark arts. And it was quite likely if he tried something he'd end up expelled. After all the strings his mother had pulled to get him into Hogwarts, he'd hate to repay her by getting kicked out.
He loosened the death grip on his fork. He then looked up at the fourth-years surrounding him, measuring and weighing each face in turn. He settled his gaze on a particularly venomous glare. It was coming from one of Lucius’ closest friends.
*So you think I don't belong here?*
He returned the angry glare with a one of his own. Ever since he'd been a small child people had been wary of his eyes. Dark and inhuman, they'd said. Disturbing. Alien. Severus remembered Luthien telling him that he had his father's eyes, though at the time, his stepfather hadn't bothered to explain the significance of that statement.
*You're probably right. I don't belong here. Not at this table. Not at this school. Not human enough. Never human enough...*
The older boy was the first to turn away, unable to face the dark challenge in Severus' eyes. Severus smiled coldly.
*But I'd like to see you try and make me leave.*
He decided he could grow to like breakfast.
Severus left the hall ten or so minutes before the end of the meal. He excused himself and made his way towards the main entrance. He almost had his hand at the door handle when Sirius burst into the room.
Sirius.
Staring at Severus like he didn't know what to think.
Severus decided to speak. "I'm sorry for...for all what happened yesterday."
Pause.
"Are you going to hate me for a very long time?"
Sirius' face clouded over for a moment with an inscrutable expression. A whirlwind of thought surrounded the boy, striking Severus as an almost visible ripple. Eventually the emotions smoothed out as something akin to menace. The roaring hostility was enough to make Severus wince.
"I don't think you're a very good person, Snape," Sirius said. "Maybe I figured you were at first, but I don't anymore. I think you're going to have to prove me wrong."
"I've lost the benefit of the doubt, then?" Sirius said nothing; instead he turned and walked towards the Gryffindor table, not bothering with so much as a backwards glance. Severus stood stock still in the middle of the doorway and stared after Sirius' retreating form. He didn't know how he should respond to that. He wanted Sirius not to hate him. He needed Sirius to not hate him. He could sense that hatred, and it tore through him like shrapnel. It was...crippling.
There was something about that boy, something in the intricacies of his brain, in the flavor of his thoughts – a pungency in his emotions that Severus could feel, smell. He knew that some part of his dementor heritage enabled him to sense Sirius' every base instinct, every half-formed, unarticulated thought. Whether he wanted to or not.
He was beginning to think that dementors were a race in love with pain.
*Or maybe I'm just in love with pain.*
Severus wanted to go after Sirius and beg for forgiveness, but if he'd inherited anything from his mother, his real mother, it was a backbone. He refused to go crawling to Sirius to curry favor. He had to believe that he deserved better than that. He'd made a mistake in attacking Pettigrew. A mistake didn't make him an evil person, and it certainly didn't give Sirius the right to judge him.
Severus briefly considered running up to Evan and asking him what to say, how to fix this. Then he remembered all the reasons why that was a bad idea.
The bell rang suddenly, and students began to clear out of the hall. Lucius came up to Severus and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Forget about him," the blond said. "He was sorted into Gryffindor. He's a disgrace to his entire family."
Lucius gave Severus a slight nudge foreward before heading off to his classes. Severus started to walk, more confused now than ever. That hat thing of Dumbledore's had made Gryffindor sound like a decent enough place to be sorted into.
Severus sighed. Maybe Lucius was right. Gryffindor couldn't be all that wonderful. If Sirius' personality matched that of his house-mates, Severus could only assume that Gryffindors were all self-righteous pricks.
*Who can't even make it to breakfast on time...*
Severus quickly learned that befriending Lucius Malfoy and repairing his relations with Sirius were two mutually exclusive goals. Malfoy felt utter contempt for Sirius, a pureblood, getting sorted into Gryffindor. His elitist politics were only magnified by his ruthlessness. He tortured Sirius, and the other first years like him. Malfoy was a beast, simply put, with enough money and good looks to get away with murder.
Severus found himself trapped. He was something of a pet project of Malfoy's – as if the older boy were trying to train him to follow in his footsteps. Severus simply couldn't be like Lucius. He didn't have the sort of personality that hungered for excess. He preferred to subsist. Sure, he was selfish, but not in the way that Malfoy was selfish. He could be bitter and vengeful, but not casually cruel. He knew he'd never be able to take up where Malfoy left off.
But he couldn't ditch the elder Slytherin for the simple reason that no one said no to Lucius Malfoy - not even Lucius Malfoy himself. Of course most people in his year thought he had an awfully good position as Malfoy's favorite. He was smart enough that Lucius would ask him for advice on everything from classes to pranks. He was protected. Lucius never made Severus do any actual dirty work.
Life should have been easy for Severus. It should have. But there was always Sirius, glaring at him from across the breakfast hall, eyes sharp and slitted. That gaze would knife through Severus from fifty yards away and make him bleed.
Severus ended up trying to dissolve his inner turmoil in his studies. He was a good student, even without trying. He was brilliant when he made it his business to lose himself in his textbooks. The headmaster had been given good reason for admitting Severus into Hogwarts two years early.
Unfortunately, schoolwork only ever managed to distract Severus during his waking hours. At night, he dreamed. He dreamed of confronting Sirius, losing control, screaming until he lost the ability to speak. He dreamed of looking into the Gryffindor's eyes and seeing forgiveness, kindness, mercy. Or something else altogether.
He'd wake only to find his hand behind the waistband of his trousers, an aching stiffness underneath.
He prayed for dreamless sleep.
Potions turned out to be the only subject tedious enough to truly distract him from his life's various complications. He spent most of his time in the underbelly of Hogwarts, bent over cauldrons or measuring ingredients. His hair went lank under the fumes of brewing potions and his skin went pale in the dark, windowless rooms of the dungeons. Severus' activities made it very easy for him to avoid others, and he grew largely oblivious to the world around him.
Of course, he couldn't stay oblivious forever.
At the end of Severus' fourth year, Lucius Malfoy graduated.
"Look at Snape over there. He's sitting all by himself." James frowned, sprawling back against his seat on the Hogwarts Express.
"Of course he is," Sirius smirked. "All his friends have gone."
"You mean he didn't have any friends in our year?"
"Of course not." Sirius scoffed. "Snape doesn't make friends. You know the only reason he hung out with Malfoy was because Malfoy wanted a pet project."
James grinned, suddenly. "No more Malfoy."
"Yeah," Peter sighed. "D'you think Snape'll try to take his place?"
"He's not that stupid," Sirius said. "Look at his face. He knows he hasn't got anyone. He's practically trying to melt into his seat."
Remus, who had been quiet for most of the train ride, decided to take this moment to speak up. "You're being awfully observant, Sirius."
"Yeah, so what?"
"So it took you a year to figure out James had a crush on Lily."
"...So?"
"James confides in you more than the rest of us."
Sirius frowned. "Well maybe we never stood around in a circle staring at James and talking about him. Maybe that's why I never noticed."
Remus shrugged. "I'm just saying..."
James waved a hand to get their attention. "Please stop talking about me like I'm not here."
They muttered brief apologies to James and the conversation was abandoned for a game of exploding snap. Remus joined in on the game, but only after sending a few questioning glances in Severus' direction, wondering what it was about Severus that drew Sirius' attention.
Sirius usually had a habit of being spectacularly oblivious. He did well in his classes, but was only because he was brilliant enough to do well without trying. Sirius was the epitome of an impulsive Gryffindor, and rarely bothered to concern himself with the finer details of a situation.
But Sirius *noticed* Severus. He noticed everything about Severus. Sirius had always spent an inordinate amount of attention at Severus, be it glaring at him from across the main hall, or making snide remarks about his connections with Malfoy, or simply bristling whenever he walked into a room. And there was another thing - Sirius always seemed to know when Severus was near. Even without being endowed with werewolf senses, Sirius could sniff out the Slytherin with an almost preternatural awareness.
Remus never confronted Sirius about it. He knew his friend would deny it until he ran out of breath. But Remus had begun to suspect that Sirius' scoffing hatred for Severus meant something very different from James' casual dislike, or Peter's jealous anger. What it meant, he had no idea.
He supposed he’d find out eventually.
This was how things got started.
On Day One of fifth year, right after he disembarked from the train, James decided that he and the rest of his foursome should rule the school. After all, they were for the most part intelligent and attractive, not to mention good at sports. The existing power structure built by Lucius Malfoy had gone on to further callings or higher learning. If any group were to replace that power structure, it would have to be the...well...actually James hadn't thought up a name yet. But when he did it was going to be something wicked cool.
He told the Sirius about it first, and Sirius *loved* the idea. Of course, the four of them would have to destroy all remnants of the existing power structure first. A great many students were still a little bit afraid of Snape. That just wouldn't do. The four of them would have to work to make the greasy git disgustingly unpopular. The only question was of how to go about it.
"Why we'll pull pranks, of course," Sirius laughed. "We could come up with some great ones, I figure. We could call ourselves the...ah...the Marauders!"
It certainly was a wicked cool name.
About three weeks into fourth year, the great plan was well underway. The pranks the four of them thought up were nothing short of exceptional. Sirius found he had a remarkable talent for flirting with every passing skirt. James found he had an even more remarkable talent for showing off on the Quidditch pitch. Remus didn't have to change at all. He needed only to walk about and brood like a tortured hero. Women loved that -- or so Peter assured him. And being friends with Sirius and James didn't hurt. Even Peter managed to catch a bit of the group's rising fame merely through association.
As time passed, humiliating Snape in public became less of a goal, and more of a group hobby - a habit, even. The four, expecially James and Sirius, would walk up to Severus and snatch away whatever book he was reading or trip him on his way to his seat. They thought up all sorts of ways to make the young Slytherin's life more unpleasant than it was, and since virtually every member of their year held some sort of resentment towards the boy who once was Malfoy's favorite, no one thought to put a stop to the Marauders' behavior.
Of course, there were a precious few who disapproved, but never to the extent that they would actually take action to put a stop to it. Besides - the Marauders' popularity scheme had worked off. It wasn't long before the four boys were virtually untouchable.
Severus found himself spending even more time doing potions work, simply to avoid contact with the other members of his class. He learned the subject so well he could have taught it. To the seventh-years. All that extra time in the dungeons certainly didn't help his reputation. In fact, it spawned a great many derogatory names, as the potion fumes made his clothes smell odd and his hair go lank.
Of course, Severus was not one to simply take this sort of treatment lying down. He did his best to retaliate. The problem was that Severus had never really learned any of the silly curses useful for creating or preventing pranks. All the retaliations he could think of were simply too severe. Pranks were, for the most part, bungled up curses that had been written in books and marketed for the enjoyment of children. An itching curse, for example, was a very weak version of another curse originally intended to cause burning. What had devolved into a vomiting curse was originally a torture device intended to make its victim puke their guts out - literally.
One of the unique things about Severus that his professors would always point out was his gift for precision in spellcasting. He either got something totally right or not at all. Seeing as most spells used as pranks were intended to be cast only somewhat correctly and a truly precise casting could result in something deadly, it was easy to see why Severus simply had no talent for defending himself against the Marauders.
However, Severus couldn't go on like this. Things had been awful before when Sirius had hated him, but at least he'd had Malfoy's protection. Now he had nothing but his own intelligence. He decided to resort to desperate measures. Since he couldn't fight the Gryffindor foursome with spells and the boys had no fear of authority figures, he'd simply have to resort to blackmail. It shouldn't be that difficult to find something on those four that was truly damaging. All Severus would need to do was perhaps follow the boys around for a bit. Find out what made them tick. Find out what, if anything, they were trying to hide.
And that was how things got a whole lot worse.
::Chapter IV::
Severus had always been a very studious child. He'd always delighted in gathering and collecting information through his books or through the people that surrounded him. He'd been told once that hunger was the closest thing to emotion that dementors had the capacity to feel. It had always seemed perfectly reasonable that Severus' hunger for knowledge surpassed any of his other feelings by way of outward expression.
Now Severus had something very different to hunger for. Revenge. He wanted to hurt James for his cruel actions and Peter for his derisive laughter. He wanted to hurt Remus for standing by with his mild frown of disapproval, all the while doing nothing at all to either join in with his friends or to stop them. Most of all, he wanted to hurt Sirius for hating him. Because he simply couldn’t' bear it. Severus could still taste the boy's emotions shimmering in the air around him, more prominently than anyone else’s. The ability had not lessened since that first encounter in Madam Malkin's, and if anything, it had strengthened. Severus could still *sense* Sirius floating on the edge of his consciousness as a formless, intangible ache.
Severus couldn't help feeling he was about to break. All he wanted was for Sirius to break first.
So it was back to watching. Gathering and collecting information. Only now, Severus was doing so for a very different purpose. He was waiting for a revelation. Waiting for some piece of knowledge with the power to change the way he was treated, change the way he was seen, change everything.
He waited a very long time.
It wasn’t until seventh year before he found what he was looking for. He had very little to go on besides instinct. All he knew was that something about Remus seemed off. Not quite typical human. His dementor abilities had increased over the years, but had never really been put into practice. For reasons unknown to Severus, sensing Sirius had always been easy. Other people were another matter. Other people were a low hum at the back of Severus’ brain. It was difficult to tell apart individuals.
But something about Remus stood out. There were times when his emotions seemed baser, more primitive than was the norm. Severus didn't know what this meant, but the more he watched Remus and the way his friends treated him, the more he began to suspect that it meant something important.
By the time Severus had figured this out, his following of the Marauders had devolved into stalking. It was only natural that Sirius would call him on it. Stalking was not what Sirius considered within acceptable parameters for their relationship. Enemies ought to give each other some space. Sirius made a decision – he went to find Severus, with every intention of putting the greasy git in his place before going on his swaggering way.
Severus was in the dungeons making a potion, as was his typical habit. He started when the door to the room banged open and dropped one too many unicorn hairs into his concoction. Cursing vociferously with the realization that he would need to start all over, he turned to the doorway with every intention of slicing his intruder to little pieces.
*Oh. Sirius.*
"Can I help you with something?"
"You've been bothering us lately, Snape. We want you to stop tailing us everywhere we go."
Severus felt a brief flash of panic, but managed not to let the emotion appear on his face. "I have no idea what you're referring to."
Sirius smirked. "You know exactly what I'm referring to. Just stop it."
Snape closed his eyes for a moment. *Time to change tactics.* He opened them again to capture Sirius in an unsettling stare. "Why don't you make me."
"I'll –"
"Please, Black, refrain from idle threats."
"When have my threats ever been idle."
"Whenever you've had too much to lose."
Sirius paused for a moment. Layered conversations had never been his forte. "Tell me Snape -- what have I got to lose this time?"
It was Severus' turn to pause. He had suspicions about Remus, but they weren't even close to being confirmed. Even if there was something off about Remus, there was no guarantee that Sirius knew about it. Still, it was all Severus had to go on, and he wasn't about to let Sirius win this little argument.
Still – something was better than nothing.
"Oh, I don't know – a friend perhaps?"
"What are you implying Snape?"
"There's something a bit...off...about Lupin, isn't there?"
Severus watched in awe as Sirius' face blanched white. A whirl of emotion shot through Severus from Sirius' direction -- a indecipherable jumble of panic. Then panic shifted to rage, and Sirius's face turned red with anger. Sirius said something then. He wasn't quite sure why he said it, and later would chalk the word up to an uncontrolled outburst of irrational spite. "You're asking me, Snape? Why don't you find out for yourself. There's a knot at the foot of the Whomping Willow. Go by...oh...next Tuesday should be the right time. Tap the knot with your wand."
"Why are you telling me this."
"You said you thought there was something off about Remus. I'm merely suggesting you go find him and ask him yourself."
"Why should I trust you?"
Sirius grinned a shark-like smile, and for a moment Severus felt like he was back in first year meeting Malfoy at the breakfast table.
"You don't have to trust me, Snape. Just go. It's not like you've got anything to lose."
Hushed voices in the background. *I almost...I almost...* Dumbledore, having been made headmaster in Severus' sixth year, was now speaking with...
*killed Lupin. I almost...*
Sirius. Sirius. Always the center of attention since the beginning of fifth year. This time the attention wasn't exactly positive.
*I could have if I hadn't realized in time...*
Dumbledore's soft brand of chastisement melded with the rest of the white noise at the back of Severus' mind. He didn't want to hear what the old man had to say to Sirius. He knew the words would never be harsh enough. He knew that Sirius just couldn't understand the enormity of what he'd done.
*because nothing happened*
Right?
*we're all okay*
Severus was sure Dumbledore would be harsher if something had happened. But Dumbledore simply wasn't used to being harsh to Sirius. Dumbledore loved Sirius, like the rest of the staff and faculty loved Sirius, like the majority of the graduating class loved Sirius, like the entire female population of Hogwarts loved Sirius, *like I lov...*
Hushed voices in the background. *Did they know how easily I would have kil...* McGonnagall entered into the office to speak to Dumbledore.
*...if I hadn't realized that the werewolf was Lupin, I'd have killed it...*
And it would have been self defense.
Everything seemed very surreal there in the too-quiet office. The thought drifted idly through Severus' head that *I could have died just as easily.*
It really *would* have been self defense.
*And they would have put him down, like an animal.*
If not for James. James. *Should I be grateful?*
*Should I be sorry that I'm not?*
Dumbledore led Sirius out of his office, then turned to Severus, beckoning him in with a wave of his hand.
Afterwards.
Severus cornered Sirius in the hallway next to the kitchens, a thin, bitter smile curling his lips. His eyes were turned cold and dead. Sirius suppressed a shiver. "What do you want, Snape?"
"Oh, I want a lot of things. Mostly - mostly I want to watch you suffer for what you did."
"Look Snape, I'm sorry, but it's done."
"So I should forgive and forget?"
"It doesn't look like you have much of a choice."
"I could get you expelled, you know."
"You could do nothing of the sort."
"I could do anything I want. Dumbledore is not self-employed. I need only appeal to one of his superiors."
"So have you come here to threaten me? Is that it? I won't play your little game."
Severus' lips curled into a thin pout. "No, you won't, will you. Merlin forbid you do anything to hurt your pride." He sighed. "Ever the arrogant Gryffindor. Did you even apologize to your dear friend Lupin? Or would such an expression have discomfited your ego? "
"Don't patronize me."
"Big word, Black. I'm impressed."
Sirius raised a fist toward Severus.
"Going to hit me, then? As if you weren't in enough trouble for what you did already."
Sirius paused.
"Well go on then. I'm not stopping you. Beat me to a bloody pulp."
"You don't think I will?"
"I think you'll try."
"Try? Why would I do anything but succeed? We've played this game before, Snape. I always win. You think this time would be any different?"
"This time, I'm not afraid to kill you."
"Don't tell me you were just ‘holding back' before. Really? Oh, good show, Snape!"
Severus greeted Sirius' sarcasm with a cold, narrow smile. Unsettled by this response, the cocky Gryffindor felt his confidence begin to falter. He found himself blurting, "But Dumbledore confiscated both our wands."
"Indeed he did."
“Well it’s not like you’ve got a vial of potion stuffed away in your back pocket.”
“No. Certainly not that.”
"You can't possibly expect to hurt me without some sort of weapon."
"I can't?" Severus took a step closer. Sirius resisted the urge to back away.
"You've been holding that fist up in the air for a while now. Aren't you going to do something about it? Hit me already."
Sirius paused, debating what to do. He knew that he had a habit of acting before thinking. Instinct was telling him that now was a time to think. The smart thing to do would of course be to leave. Sirius dropped his fist and turned to go.
But before he could finish his first step, Severus kicked out with his foot, shoving Sirius to the ground, rage gleaming in his black eyes. "Don't you dare walk away," Severus hissed. "You think you can take the moral high-ground now? After three years of torture?"
Sirius pushed himself up from his prostrate position and turned towards Severus. "Fine, Snape," he growled, clambering to his feet. "If that's how you want it."
He drove foreward, punching Severus hard in the stomach. He followed quickly with a kick to the groin. Severus curled in on himself, grimacing in pain. He took two harsh breaths and then straightened, facing Sirius with some approximation of a fighting stance. Sirius laughed at this effort before wrapping both hands around Severus' neck and slamming him up against the nearest wall. "Not afraid to kill me, Snape? Tell me this - are you afraid of pain?"
Severus broke out of the bruising hold in a burst of adrenalin. He twisted his fingers into the Gryffindor's hair and pushed foreward until Sirius was backed up against the opposite wall. "I'm not afraid of anything," Severus whispered. His words were like a promise. He rose, lifting up onto the toes of his feet, moving until his face was level with his opponent's. "I'm not afraid of anything," he said again.
And then, he was pressing his lips to Sirius', his eyes gone dark and strange as he breathed in, and in...
*This is what killing is to a dementor...*
Sirius felt as though he were floating, as though he were fading. Memories flickered and popped within his mind, dimming at the seam between their lips. A weak moan escaped from the back of his throat. His hands began to tremble. *Maybe I'm dying,* he mused.
*Maybe.*
Thoughts faded. Sirius opened his mouth. And slid his tongue forward. The wet, agile muscle caressed the roof of Severus' mouth, trailed the hollows of the moist cavern, smoothed over lips still frozen with murderous intent. Severus had not been expecting...this.
The Slytherin began to pull away. Sirius followed his movement, sinking further into the kiss, pressing forward against layers of clothing, raising his hands to clutch at Severus' shirtfront. And Severus.
Let him.
*What am I doing?*
Sirius never managed to formulate an answer, for suddenly Severus decided to reciprocate. Small, sharp bites ravaged the line of Sirius' mouth. Warm suction enveloped his tongue, drew on it, laid claim to it. He moaned quietly and slid his hands up Severus’ arms to grip his shoulders. The tips of the Slytherin’s hair feathered against Sirius’ knuckles, and he absently noted that the soft strands felt much cleaner than they looked.
He was distracted from further thought as Severus began sifting through his robes, pushing at the folds of his garments to brush against the bare skin of his stomach. The touch was dry, slightly rough. Sirius was surprised, for he had somehow expected Severus’ hands to be softer, gentler. He supposed he should have known better. No doubt those hands had been subject to considerable abuse. It was too easy to imagine those palms red and abraded from handling dry, stinging powders without the cumbersome protection of dragon hide gloves. Too easy to picture those slender wrists sore and stiff from lifting heavy cauldrons from one burner to another.
Sirius could feel the thin quill calluses that lined the pads of Severus’ fingertips. They scraped gently along his waist, circled his hips, and smoothed down beneath the lip of his trousers to curl around the curve of his buttocks. They dipped teasingly into the cleft before returning to that flat stretch of abdomen to find that trail of darkened hair and...follow it.
Eyes fluttered closed.
Sirius’ belt slithered from its loops in a soft hiss. His pants dropped unceremoniously, tangling around his ankles and bunching over his shoes. Thumbs hooked over the waistband of his underclothes and shoved downward. Hands shifted. The heel of a palm pressed insistently against the heated skin at the base of Sirius’ shaft. He moaned softly, his tongue still held prisoner in Severus’ mouth.
Severus shivered at the sound and bent his wrist towards the exposed length, wrapping his fingers around the warm flesh. And those fingers...
*twitching over a sprawl of parchment scraps as they scribbled a mess of notes into*
...found the beaded moisture at the head of Sirius’ prick and...
*crooking over the warped edge of an old wand. “If you don’t practice, you’ll never -*
...painted a streak of moisture along the bluish vein that...
*worrying at the edges of a bandage. It doesn’t hurt. And even if it did*
...ran along the underside. The member hardened in his hands, jerking in a sharp upwards flex.
*Dementors don’t know how to scream.*
Severus closed his lips to press chastely against the wet edge of his lover’s mouth.
If he dared use such an endearment.
Sirius’ slid his hands from Severus’ shoulders to tug and part the Slytherin’s robes. Once the garment lay gaping and open he swept his hips forward, surging upward towards Severus' impressive erection. He tensed as their thighs brushed, reveling in the sensation of skin on skin. He arched back until his muscles and ligaments burned with the strain, until he felt the bulge of Severus’ arousal jerk against his own, until –
The kiss broke.
Sirius inhaled on a shriek, head thrown back, lungs gasping in air with a drowned desperation. He came, spraying his release over a ridiculous tangle of limbs. His climax tore through Severus’ mind, and the Slytherin had no choice but to follow in it’s aftermath, thrusting forward through the fog of spent emotion and losing himself in the liquid flow of orgasm.
Severus closed his eyes, and his mouth fell open in release of one hot, short breath - one he had not realized he’d been holding in.
Until Sirius closed his lips over that last escape of air.
And swallowed it down.
To Be Continued...
Many thanks to my wonderful betas,
amariel and daylight_shadow. Many thanks also to Minna and PD Boggart. Their works -- "Emmanuel" and "In the Paw Prints of Canis Major" (on the SSFQF and ff.net, respectively) -- gave me the inspiration to write this.Now feed the author. She's hungry.
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 01:28 am (UTC)was wondering how you were going to handle the Kiss, this worked quite well (so Severus can kiss without actually Kissing ;)
good one, definitely looking forward to more
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 01:32 am (UTC);o)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 01:34 am (UTC)and yummy fic :)
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Date: 2003-10-02 02:39 am (UTC)Wow!
Date: 2003-10-06 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 12:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 10:10 pm (UTC)you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-05 03:56 pm (UTC)I really enjoyed it a lot. I’m a huge Snape fan and I really liked the way you portrayed him. I hope you will update soon.
Please update soon!
Meanwhile I will probably be reading other fics and destroying my life since I am no longer doing the "important" and "useful" things I am supposed to do. You wicked girl! :D
Re: you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-06 08:46 am (UTC)I'm also a huge Snape fan. My relationship with Snape is...slightly scary. I should update soon. I have a couple of 4 day weekends coming up this month to work on it.
And...the rest. (my hundred, million WIP's)
Tell me if you want any recs. I know plenty of porny fic for this pairing and others. I also know plenty of non-porny fic if you're in a mood.
Re: you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-06 12:45 pm (UTC)If you want, you can rec me some good fics that include any pairing with Lucius Malfoy or Snape. It does'nt matter who or what they are paired with, I'm sure I will enjoy it. I prefer N-C-17 and slash. I seem to get bored with het and non-smut. If it is not too long either it will be a perfect fic for me.
Thank you for offering to direct me even further into depravation and debauchery. I appreciate it!:))
Re: you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-06 10:13 pm (UTC)note: Some of it is BDSM, which generally isn't my thing, but I don't know about your taste, so I'll go ahead and recommend it anyway. There is no BDSM in either of the two specific fics I recced to you, but there is a lot in some of her other fics.
Read absolutely everything by Fabula Rasa. It's fantastic porn and absorbing plotlines and brilliant characterization. I only wish I could write this well and this much. Some of her fics are a bit long, but I'm almost certain you won't get bored. You can find all her stuff on the Thin Line archive (Severus/Sirius archive only): http://www.tittisrealm.com/thinline/main.html I especially recommend Rat's Alley and Cordelictus which can both be found in the Pre-OoTP section of the archive.
note: Fabula Rasa has a thing for voyeuristic!Harry. He doesn't appear in Rat's Alley or Cordelictus. However, if you are going to read anything else by her, know that voyeuristic!Harry has been known to take a prominent role in some of her fic. I don't particularly like the idea of anyone watching my otp get it on, but that's just me.
Of course, you could check out the SSFF (http://snapeff.ebonyx.org/). There's plenty of Severus porn there.
I suppose I might not be the best person to recc for your particular tastes. I'd probably be better equipped to recc Harry/Draco porn than any other kind. Plus, I generally read fanfiction when I'm in search of a good story, and consider porn to be more of a bonus than an objective.
I know a good resource for NC-17 Snapefic is
Lucius fic I really can't help you with. I don't really have any sort of vested interest in him. Your sister would probably be the one to ask about that. I know that Xandria is a huge Lucius fan and write's a lot of Lucius fic, but I can't really say I know much about it, seeing as I'm generally not a very big Lucius fan. You can find her stuff HERE (http://www.akasa.bc.ca/fanfic/xanfic.html). You'll probably also want to check out
Heh. That should keep you busy for a while.
Re: you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-06 10:20 pm (UTC)Re: you drove me into addiction, you wicked thing!
Date: 2003-11-07 07:01 am (UTC)I don’t think I mind hardly any deviant sexual behaviour, as long as it is fiction, except the gross and icky kinds. I suppose that is one of the reasons fiction is so great.
And you are right, that will keep me busy for a while. :D!
Who needs to vacuum, do the dishes or socialise when there is good Snape and Lucius smutty fics to read. *Watches sad dusty carpet without mercy, and clicks away at new wonderful links*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:11 pm (UTC)Love Love Love
Date: 2004-03-21 02:20 pm (UTC)I do hope you write more.
My mind is reeling with all the possibilities.
Re: Love Love Love
Date: 2004-03-21 07:31 pm (UTC)WOW!!!
Date: 2005-03-17 04:04 pm (UTC)Would Sirius be affected by kissing a half-dementor? Is he going to have his memories or his soul ripped out or something?
Wow this story rocks!
Please update soon!
Bye
no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 10:13 pm (UTC)*sigh* I do hope there is more soon and if not I shall simply pine.
Unrequited love is such a pain... especially when the one you love is an unfinished fanfic.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-29 11:53 am (UTC)are you goint to continue?
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Date: 2005-10-03 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 03:06 am (UTC)